Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
