I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
