i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
