But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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