Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
