I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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