I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
