ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
