Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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