I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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