Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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