I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
false alarm, still single
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
