Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
