Moan for me like Helen Keller
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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