He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
