Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
