I wish they made helmets for livers.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize