she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
