This girl is more easily done than said...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
