My Higher Power is John Stamos
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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