I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize