My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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