I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
