oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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