I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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