he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
