Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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