I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
