he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
