Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
