life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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