Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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