Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize