She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
