I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
