big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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