Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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