i just wanna soil my oats bro
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
