I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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