I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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