I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
