If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
