If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
