Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
