I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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