Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We have so much sex to catch up on
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
