Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
