pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
