So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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