I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
