i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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