Having a random hookup so left but love u
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
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