Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
