we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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