So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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