having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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