I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
