I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
