so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
