ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
