Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
