On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
