This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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