I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
