so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
