I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She's the barista slut.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
