I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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