hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
