We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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