i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
