barbara walters just said penis...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
