"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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