Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
