I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
