It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
