i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize