she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
