Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There r osticjed everywhere
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize