just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
