i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
