If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
