I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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