TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
