He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
