weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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