My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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