Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize