Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
ok first of all what the fuck
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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