Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I am one with the molecules
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
