Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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