next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
