So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
