Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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