Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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