How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
