my being single is dangerous.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize