Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
